And so we begin…again…

With 1lb down and my appetite back I decided I really needed to get serious about my goal. I ordered Jillian Michael’s “30 day SHRED”. For those of you who don’t know her, Jillian is the scary trainer from the Biggest Loser TV show. See I had this DVD in my Amazon.com account for like…a month…and I decided that it was time to invite Jillian over…and for only $8.97 and free shipping, I couldn’t pass it up. I like the idea of shredding. It sounds more permanent. If I lose them, I could find them. If I SHRED them…well…try taping together something you shredded…right? Right…right? Oh I hope…

Just to be sure, I rented one of her videos from Netflix. They didn’t have SHRED available INSTANTLY but they had another one of her videos for arms and legs. I was able to stream it instantly off the XBOX so I didn’t have to wait…or make up an excuse…This video required a step and hand weights. 12 minutes in, I was panting…grunting…legs wobbling…sweating…and I was just watching from the couch! Ok, no seriously I actually did the work out for 12 minutes and turned it off. I was in my pajamas and wasn’t actually mentally and physically prepared for what I had just experienced. Although I’m not sure when I’d ever be prepared for TORTURE!

I immediately (well, ok, I pulled myself off the floor, crawled up the stairs, laid in bed for 20 minutes until my legs stopped trembling so I could go back down the stairs and then took my shower) ordered the 30-day Shred. I HATED using the step because I kept tripping on it when I wasn’t using it for the other exercises. 30 day Shred requires a mat and hand weights. Awesome!

Oh…I also started some portion control and introducing more veggies into our diets…one time I did Weight Watchers and I remembered that veggies were free foods…well, when they’re not drenched in dressing, fried, etc.

Jillian arrived 3 days later. It was a Thursday. I brought the DVD 10 steps to the living room and placed it on the snack tray/end table.

On Friday I removed the cellophane packaging and I opened the case. According to the write-up I should be able to SHRED 20lbs in 30 days. So I’m wondering, is that 30 consecutive days? Should I even do this? Will I be disappointed? Oh I might be disappointed if I can’t do this for 30 days and I lose 5lbs that I gain back the second I look at cake and…and…and…

On Saturday morning I decided that after taking my parents to the airport I was going to start my workout video. I made a mental movie of coming home, changing, doing the video…I can do this!

I was SO TIRED. Nap or Jillian…nap…Jillian…naaap….Jilllliann….Jillian. Then a nap if I still need one. MUST. WORK. OUT.

And then I had a thought…Mom will be home in about 30 days…I want to show some progress toward my goal since when I told her about it she thought it was cool. I love my mom. I like when she is proud of me. I want to have a nice update for her when she comes home.

I changed my clothes. I’m awesome. I pulled out the weights. Forward progress! I put the DVD in the DVD player. I can taste success. There’s Jillian and she’s explaining her strategy…energy fading…I put down the weights…feet are heavy….Jillian is going to yell at me…MUST.WORK.OUT. Phew! Finally, we begin…warm ups…my heart is pounding…I make it through the first set only stopping for a few seconds to catch my breathe and make a mental note that next time I really need to have water handy—I’m parched after 8 minutes.

This is a non-stop exercise video…3 minutes of cardio, 2 minutes of strength, 1 minute of abs…then a new set structured the same way…and just when you think you’re going to drop dead…one more set. At about 16 minutes I pressed “INFO” to find out how much longer I had left. 8 minutes. Barf. I’m already telling Jillian I hate her.

But then…as if she could see me struggling she began to talk about how I was feeling…like giving up…like I was going to die…and she told me that if I push myself when I feel like I can’t do anymore, that was when change would happen. I realized that if I stopped then, it would be like doing “just enough” to maintain my fatness. I want to SHRED my fatness! I want CHANGE! So I pushed…as hard as I could…and before I knew it we were stretching. I’m better than her at that.

When my heart stopped pounding in my head and my face was sticky from dried sweat, I sat down on the couch and took the best deep breath I’ve had in months. I felt energized and I didn’t want to take a nap anymore. I had cooled down and was checking my email. Twenty minutes later I got up. Step, ow, step, ow, step ow…what? This is what “shredding” feels like.